Do you have conflicted feelings because you can’t control the behavior of your former spouse? Having conflicted feelings means having polar opposite feelings basically at the same time. What does that mean? As an example, Dina continues to feel sadness over having to seek a divorce because Kevin would not seek help to overcome his addiction with alcohol, and it was destroying them both. She loved Kevin but his addiction became too much to handle after all these years.
Alternatively, Dina felt happiness and relief being out of the toxic situation and environment.
Nostalgia can also play a part. Dina had feelings of joy and happiness when she thought about all the delightful and marvelous memories shared along with the pain that the person she married is no longer the same—damaged and wrecked by the ravages of alcohol.
It was important for Dina to see that some of her conflicting emotions—especially the negative ones came from anxiety, pain, and sorrow. It is usually more than one emotion that is experienced as a spin off from the primary one.
It is all right to have conflicted emotions because you are looking at the person as a whole. Allowing the positive memories to surface will give you the power to experience healthier grief over the situation.
If you are having conflicted feelings, here are some tips:
1. Accept the way you feel because it is natural to have those feelings.
2. Become aware of the times you are experiencing struggle with those feelings and face them.
3. Listen to your inner feelings and don’t allow outside influences to sway you.
4. Decide what is important for your well-being.
Confront those feelings as you will be able to design a plan of action that is in line with your values—who you are at the core of your being because that is where lessons are learned and a break- through will result.