ARE YOU IN THE REALITY PHASE AFTER DIVORCE?
March 1, 2023
Many of us are frustrated. Some of us become complacent and accept our life as it is now after experiencing a life-changing trauma. We don’t move forward or bounce back from the experience. We are stuck and don’t know how to break down the mental bars that surround us.
The problem is this: Intellectually or consciously, we want to move forward but the feelings and emotions we have about the situation won’t let us. In other words, we get what we believe and not what we want. Deep down or subconsciously, we really don’t believe we can move forward even though we want to more than anything else.
What if we shift our approach? What if we decide that we are going to take our attention off the trauma and override our conflicted feelings and emotions so that we begin to validate our inner desire to achieve better results?
We know that if we continue to have the same thoughts, we will have the same feelings. It follows that we’ll behave the same way giving us the same results. It can be no other way.
We won’t learn the lesson, release the problem, and discover a solution.
What Can We Do?
There are three strategies we can adopt as a practice so that we can set ourselves up to feel confident in taking the necessary steps to break up with the past and begin to move forward. These strategies helped me when no other options did. Now, before I start my coaching process with clients, I train them in using these strategies so that their minds become open to receive positive changes waiting to come into their lives.
The three strategies are learning how to change our focus, our thinking, and our attitude. I’ve included a free PDF you can download at the end of this blog. It takes you step-by-step how to implement them.
- When we learn how to shift our FOCUS from our present reality to the vision we have for our future, we begin to feel courage, energy, and a sense of freedom and motivation to begin taking steps in that direction.
- When we learn how to become more aware of what we are THINKING, the more control we have over our feelings and emotions so that they are not in control of us. We respond instead of reacting.
- When we learn how to cultivate a positive ATTITUDE, the more aware we become of opportunities and possibilities we might otherwise miss. We open ourselves up to moving one degree closer to victory and success.
Change Our Focus
We need to look at our situation from a different point of view. How do we do that? Instead of focusing on the longing and discontent we feel from having had the trauma, we focus on the lesson we learn from having had the experience. When the self-talk or monkey mind starts yapping away, we shift our focus to the lesson learned. As a result, we immediately take our focus off of the past. We start to open our minds to what action we can take now instead of staying stuck where we are.
Change Our Thinking
Everything starts and ends with our thinking. So, how can we learn to change our thinking so that we begin to control our feelings and emotions instead of them controlling us? We need to observe our thoughts. We become aware of what we are thinking. Instead of getting all involved in the thought, we observe it instead. Then, we can switch the thought to a more empowering one.
If the thought already has control over our thinking, we can learn to become aware of the constricted feelings or the “triggers” that the thought produces. The triggering feeling will alert us to the fact that we need to change the thought immediately. We change the thought to focus on what good there is in the situation.
You read it right. Changing our thinking to what is good about having had the trauma will help us to begin to release the severity of feelings we have about it. I know it feels counterintuitive to look for the good, but there is good in every bad situation as well as a solution to every problem.
Change Our Attitude
Outside conditions don’t control our attitude. We do. It is reflected in our results. As we begin to change our focus and thoughts about our trauma, we can foster a good attitude in how we feel about it. We can change our behaviors, our beliefs, and our emotions and expect good and abundance to come into our lives. If we incorporate gratitude for what we do have right now, it lifts our vibration to a higher-level right where we are. So, how can we change our attitude?
One great way is to develop a daily routine incorporating empowering habits. I created a Daily Empowerment Routine Log that you can use as a guide and is included in the free download. It is the one I use for myself to ensure my day starts off with a good attitude. You can use the Log as it is or you can add and subtract habits and a daily routine to fit your specific wants and needs.
By planting these strategies in my clients’ minds before starting the coaching process, I’ve nurtured within their minds to plant new seeds. Then, their outer landscape becomes a reflection of new growth. Reaping the harvest of this growth takes them one degree closer to victory over the trauma they are experiencing.
Here’s the free PDF you can instantly download which is a step-by-step checklist that will help you change your focus, your thinking, and your attitude. There are tips and tools to help you learn how to apply each of these strategies to override any trauma by putting your attention on how you want to change your life for the better for the future.
You can read a more comprehensive version of each of the strategies that include case-study examples in my chapter from the book, Pathways To Fulfillment: A Life Coach’s Guide To Self-Discovery.
