Most of us live through the expectations that others have placed on us. Most of us live in a form-fitting mold that others have designed for us—the impression can come from a variety of different outside manipulations. Oftentimes, we are not even aware of how this comes about. By that I mean most of us are not true to ourselves in thoughts and actions and don’t even realize it. Look closely at a problem or situation that is bothering you. When the self-talk starts regarding it, do you think about it through your own eyes or do you add others into the mix? Do you ruminate what others would do or think about it? Do you go deep inside yourself and ask how you and you alone really feel about it without outside influences?
Here is an example: One of my clients, Sydney, wants to make a life-changing transition from employee to business owner. She has been thinking about it for a very long time. Finally, she discloses this to her family and friends. What does she hear from them? She gets disparaging, discouraging, disheartening comments— “Seriously, you want to quite your job and start your own business? You make a great salary and your health benefits are to die for Don’t you think about what that will do to the economic stability of your family?”
“Don’t you listen to the news? Don’t you read the paper? Don’t you know the present statistics regarding starting a new business and the success rate? They are awfully low, don’t you know?”
We all have experienced being exposed to undesirable comments and opinions; and if we let them get inside our mind, we give away our power and allow others to dictate how we behave. We have all at one time or another been very excited about the prospect of having something more than we do presently only to have it crushed because of the influence of others.
If Sydney listens to these outside comments and allows them to influence her, she just might put her goal or dream out with the trash. Guess what happens if she allows those comments to get into her conscious mind and begins to start to think about believing them? The negative self-talk will get underway, and Sydney will begin to question herself causing her to worry. Then, she begins to doubt herself and her motives. Next, fear will come knocking. Finally, anxiety will set in.
As a result of letting those comments into her conscious mind, she may begin to make excuses as to why it is probably better to stay where she is—allowing outside pressures and persuasion to determine how she thinks, feels, and behaves.
When faced with a life-changing event, it is very important to work through all the emotional upheaval (by changing mindset) that comes with facing significant transitions so one can cope, focus, and gain a positive perspective.
You can learn to control what is allowed into your conscious mind. It is your guardian angel or protector from negativity and harmful thoughts. You have the ability to accept or reject any influence or force outside of yourself from getting inside your head. If you close off your conscious mind from absorbing negative comments, they can’t reach the subconscious and adversely affect you.
Conversely, if you let those comments into your conscious mind, you may begin to make excuses as to why it is probably better to stay where you are—where you have always been. So, how do you take more control of your mind? You learn to exercise your six mental muscles. Successful people and people who live above the ordinary tap into them all the time. They are imagination, will, reason, memory, perception, and intuition. My next post will explain the first mental muscle, imagination.
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