The Road Through Recovery after divorce is the first of five steps in my results-driven process. It will help to pinpoint where you are in the transition. You will explore your feelings on a deeper level, learn to change your perspective, and face the simple fact of the reality of where you are now—helping you to move forward to embrace a new beginning.
Rejection is the first phase. Do you struggle to accept the reality that you are now in transition to a different chapter in your life? Maybe you feel rejected because you didn’t initiate the divorce or didn’t want it but now you are in denial about what is the past. When experienced in a healthy way, rejection is used as a buffer to the shock and pain of what is.
Why? The psyche, at first, may have a hard time accepting the reality; and until it is ready, it is sort of a shock absorber or defense mechanism your body automatically sets in motion. I have seen many women surround themselves with “mental bars” in this phase because it is so much easier to ignore than to process. It is not just the emotional well-being that is disrupted there can be physical symptoms as well. Does this sound familiar to you?
Do you knowingly lie to yourself instead of facing the facts and truth?. Self-talk can sometimes be very debilitating. Repeating something over and over again eventually gets past the conscious mind and into the subconscious mind which takes whatever you give it to be true.
Do you engage in addictive behavior or form a new habit used as a coping mechanism to make yourself feel better? It is only a short, quick release from the pain and loss. Some use food, sex, alcohol, shopping, etc. It is called addiction because that high or release from the pent-up feelings doesn’t last long and you begin to want more and more of that feeling to escape.
Are you not dealing with the reality is that of putting off tying up loose ends—which can be legal or financial matters? Some don’t change their name or remove spouse’s name or beneficiaries on insurance policies and other legal documents. Licenses and mortgages are big ones. It sometimes represents the final cut as those joined together for years will no longer be.
The way to begin to move through this phase of recovery is to feel the pain and loss. Experience the emotions as hard as it is. Accessing your inner strength and power along with guidance and support of others, you will get to the other side. You will begin the process of healing. You have a choice to stay where you are or begin to move forward as challenging as it is. By not denying the reality anymore is the first step to healing and allowing a little space for acceptance to come in. The Time Is Now.