Rising up after divorce not only means shedding some of the inner weight that no longer serves us; but it also means, shed some of the outer weight of material things that don’t hold the same value anymore.
This is a true story. This is one of my ways of shedding the weight of a life I can no longer hold on to.
I sell my home in Rhode Island. It’s hard to kiss the dark, rich wood goodbye, along with the inviting fireplace. Purging the shelves and shelves of books except for those cherished ones is not easy. I love books! I pack away the” shrines” all over the walls dedicated to my childrens’ accolades from high school and college.
Downsizing is a necessity and not a choice, after my divorce. The memories made in this house will not be forgotten; and just like other major chapters of my life, it’s time to create a new one.
I give all the good material things to my children. It’s hard to begin sorting it all out; but once I get going, I am on a roll. The more I get rid of, the lighter and freer I feel. By the way, I lived in my home for 30 years until everything fell apart.
I also decide that I’m going to leave the area. Having a Jeep at the time, I take with me only what I can fit in it.
I am starting a new life and decide no longer care or need all the “stuff” accumulated over the years. It’s a new, bold, different feeling. At the time, I think that if I get rid of the “outside stuff” some of the load I carry within me will be less. Of course, it isn’t true but I do feel lighter.
I stop a few times while making my way to Florida. When I open the back door of the Jeep, some of my clothes or other things come tumbling out. I don’t think I could have stuffed one more thing in it without putting my vision for driving in danger.
Once in the condo, I’m only going to get rid of the orange 90-inch sink in one bathroom. It’s no lie as I measured it. There are mirrors along one wall; and seriously, the whole wall is covered in the dining area.
Who wants to watch themselves eating? Also, there is the gaudiest chandelier I’ve ever seen. It is huge in a small space.
I wonder, “What they were thinking?”
I find two great guys who are going to help me with the renovations. It’s supposed to be just getting rid of those several things. In the end, step by step, I replace the old, outdated stuff with the new according to my vision. Actually, it is analogous to how I am piecing together how I envision my new, different life—one step at a time.
I think to myself, “What if I could create this new space exactly how I would love it to be as my sanctuary, instead of settling for what it is now?”
When I see how beautiful the new stone sink in the bathroom is, I realize the rest of the fixtures don’t blend. They have to go, too.
Those fixtures serve their purpose in the 80’s but this is a different time in the present . So, step by step, I create a new bathroom that centers around that new sink. I start to think, “This is sort of how I recover and heal from the inside after divorce. Start with my core of being of who I am now. then, I begin to make new choices building from that.”
I pick out new toilets. The new ones are more modern and not made for the kindergarten set. It is a fun adventure picking new tiles and a wonderful glass shield instead of the plastic door for the shower. (You remember the old plastic doors of the shower that would stick and then vibrate when opened.)
I pick whatever I want within reason, of course. Just like I can make new and different choices. I make decisions that will make me feel true to myself as I move forward in life.
When I first buy the condo, my plan is not to redo the whole place. Little by little, it feels good to bring in change. It’s just like how I want my life to be, I want to get rid of the clutter, chaos, and drama that I have been holding onto.
Just like the condo, I realize I can transform my inner world so that my outer world bears better results. I also realize that I can’t be free if I continue to nurse, curse, and rehearse my old story.
My new beginning starts with a different attitude, perspective, and mindset. I realize that when I start the day with a good attitude; in spite of what challenges experienced in my life, I am able to deal with my problems from an intelligent perspective that allows for better solutions.
Having a good attitude means coming from a place of respect and worthiness for myself. When I want to change my results, I have to come from a place of deserving them. Inside, I have to believe it and not just think I deserve better
I think, “The way this condo is before I get there belongs to another person and their past life.”
I make new choices for my condo, and I do the same with my life. We don’t forget the past but it is a new day.
We can make it however we choose. Choose to have a good attitude. We can look at our problems from a different perspective so that we can lift the weight that may be holding us back from creating a new, purposeful life that we deserve.