Can’t Move Forward? Yes, You Can.

“Break Out! Move past the cage of fear that confines and paralyzes the mind. Push through self-imposed limits and boundaries. Beyond the mental bars, freedom awaits.” Donna McGoff, Life Transition Coach

We have a goal. We know exactly what we want. We can see it on the screen of our mind. In our imagination and through our senses, we can see ourselves already in possession of it. Maybe it is attracting a healthy romantic relationship, starting a business, or writing a book.

We have everything in place and are ready to go for it. We know the time is “Now”. As we take the leap and go for the goal; suddenly, we can’t move forward. It is as though an invisible hand is holding us back. We feel stuck. We feel an inner struggle. As we strive to go after what we want, an overwhelming feeling of dread and extreme discomfort sets in. The feeling is so unpleasant and unnerving that it paralyzes us-stops us in our tracks. As a result, we go back to where we started–the place that is familiar and safe. Then we make excuses to convince ourselves that it is all right to stay where we have always been…

What is that uncomfortable feeling? It is called a paradigm. A paradigm is a habit, pattern, or belief system that is deeply imbedded in the subconscious mind. Think of the mind as two parts–the subconscious and the conscious mind. Up until the age of seven, some researchers say even earlier, the conscious mind is not fully developed yet. At that early age, we have had limited experiences and perceptions. As a result, we are not sophisticated enough to take the data we have and make informed, conscious decisions. So during those early years, our mind is like a sponge that takes everything in which goes right into the subconscious mind.

Consequently, our environment, experiences, and genetics give us our belief system; and therefore, our habits and behaviors give us the results we are getting in our lives. Paradigms can cause limiting beliefs and mental blocks preventing us from achieving our goals. Because they are in the subconscious mind, oftentimes we don’t even know they exist until we ask the hard questions to discover them.

Here is an example. Sydney has worked her way up to a top position in the company she presently works for. Secretly, she wants to start her own company.  Sydney is smart, fair, and is well-liked. Deep down, she feels that she could really be a huge success on her own. She can see it in her mind. Somehow, she just can’t get herself to go for it. Sydney needs to discover the paradigm that is holding her back and replace it with a new one so she can move forward. Here’s an exercise to discover the paradigm that is holding her back from achieving her goal.

Sydney writes down all the positive reasons she could think of as to why she should start her own company. Next, she writes all negative feelings/thoughts that come to mind when she thinks of going for this life-changing goal. The negative associations, particularly the strongest one, will reveal what her paradigm is-what is holding her back. In her case, it was the fear of failure. It is not necessary to go digging in the past and analyze why there is a fear of failure. All she needs to know is that there is that fear.

Once she knows the paradigm, she can begin to do the work to change it so that she can move forward. How does she change the paradigm? The same way it got there in the first place-THROUGH REPETITION. There are several ways to change paradigms but the most commonly used one is to change the negative paradigm replacing it with a new, positive one. Through repetition, the neuro pathways to the subconscious mind will eventually push out the old paradigm and replace with the new. How does she do it?

She creates an affirmation. What is an affirmation? It is a positive statement that is repeated over and over that describes how one wants to be and feel.  Bob Proctor has come up with a great way to start an affirmation. “I am so happy and grateful now that…”

This is her affirmation:  I am full of joy and gratitude now that I accept challenges with enthusiasm and confidence and will find a way to succeed”.  

She repeats the affirmation over and over again every time she feels that uncomfortable negative feeling start to come to the surface.  Eventually, through repetition, the new affirmation is passed on to the subconscious mind and becomes a part of her belief system.  She begins to believe it…

Sydney was able to discover when the old paradigm would surface by becoming aware of how she felt inside. If she started to feel anxious or fearful, it was the internal signal that she needed to push the old paradigm aside and repeat the new affirmation over and over again. She would paste the affirmation on the mirror in the bathroom and on the refrigerator door. She also kept one in her wallet and one in her pocket. As a result, she was constantly reminded of it, and it began to play over and over in her mind. Eventually, she accepted it as her truth as it became part of her belief system.

The rest is history…

We can achieve any goal we desire. Once we discover what holds us back, the anxiety, fear, and uncomfortable feeling will be replaced with confidence and a driving force that comes from the power within. As a result, we will have access to a belief system that will enable us to go over, under, or through any obstacle that gets in the way basically because we believe we can.

It is really that simple. All it takes is desire and discipline.

Join my new Facebook Group on my business page in which I want to build a tribe of women who support each other and feel empowered to move forward. It’s called MOVING BEYOND DIVORCE.