Are You Stuck In The Resentment Phase on the Road Through Recovery After Divorce?

In the last blog, I wrote about REJECTION. It is the first phase. When experienced in a healthy way, is meant to act as a buffer to ease the pain and shock after going through the divorce process. Once you are able to pass through that phase and no longer use it as a defense mechanism to ease the trauma, you may get “stuck” or your “pain point” may be in the second phase on the Road Through Recovery which is RESENTMENT.

Once you have come to terms with the fact that this is a transition in life that you are now in, have no control over, and have to adapt to this change, you may experience fear of the unknown or anger of what lays ahead. The pain starts to set in and may manifest itself in with intense emotions of fury and rage.

The good news is that anger is a necessary part of the healing process. The more you allow yourself to feel the anger and let it pass through you, the more the intensity of the emotion will dissipate. It’s easier said than done.

Gail was “stuck” in the RESENTMENT phase. She had married her college sweetheart, Harry. They were married for 31 years. Harry had been cheating on her for years with one of his co-workers. Not only that but once she went digging, a lot of dirt surfaced about other infidelities.

She was so humiliated and hurt that once she worked through the rejection phase on her own, she needed help with the deep resentment and betrayal she felt after all those years of thinking she had a good, trustworthy marriage.

In the last blog post, I wrote that there are five phases in the Road to Recovery to moving beyond divorce. Some skip a phase, go back and forth between them, and finally pass through to move through to REALITY which is acceptance of the situation.

Gail became “unstuck” and on the Road to Recovery when she started looking at her situation with different eyes. She needed to ask herself some tough questions. Was her expression of anger at her former spouse or others who would listen, really doing any good? Did it serve any constructive purpose? Was it going to change the circumstance? Was it wreaking havoc with her physical well-being? Here are some of the issues she realized she needed to work on.

• Ways to manage resentment so can release playing the “victim”
• Create change for constructive decision making moving forward
• Learn to control overreacting to situations and blaming others for her behavior

Once Gail was able to learn to channel that anger for positive change for herself and her loved ones, she had more time and good energy for moving forward.

If you can’t seem to move beyond divorce and create the new life you envision for yourself, I can help you discover where you are “stuck”, guide you through the “pain points” and get you on the road to creating that new life on your own terms. Contact me for a complimentary strategy session at donna@livingabovetheordinary.com or call 401-662-2707.

Join my new Facebook Group on my business page in which I want to build a tribe of women who support each other and feel empowered to move forward. It’s called MOVING BEYOND DIVORCE.