The First Phase on Road Through Recovery is REJECTION. When experienced in a healthy way, rejection is meant to be a buffer to ease the shock and pain of the dissolution of the marriage. Having been married for a long period of time, the emotional shock and pain becomes more pronounced as one thinks of the years—the time and investment that was dedicated to it. Rejection is a common defense mechanism and helps lessen the trauma experienced to the harsh reality and intensity of the situation.
Nancy was “stuck” in the REJECTION phase. Tom, her husband, was miserable for a long time and decided he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life being in an unhappy marriage. They were married for 27 years. Long after she and Tom were divorced, she continued to leave the outside light on at night like she used to for times when he would come home late from work. His area of the shared closet remained empty, and she continued to cook some of his favorite meals for dinner. Trying to engage him with texts, phone calls, and emails, she hoped he would change his mind but he has moved on.
Nancy started on the Road to Recovery and become “unstuck” in that phase when she took the focus off her denial of the situation and begin to ask herself some tough questions in regard to her particular situation. Shifting her mindset allowed her to begin to push through REJECTION. Here are some of the issues she realized she need to work on.
When one can accept the reality of the situation instead of rejecting it, a door for change will open. Seeing the situation for what it is in the present moment, we can change our mindset to see opportunities and possibilities to begin to move forward than just sitting in the pain and denial of what is. It is painful. It is difficult. You can do it if you are ready to move forward. I hope the time is now.
If you can’t seem to move beyond divorce and create the new life you envision for yourself, I can help you discover where you are “stuck”, guide you through the “pain points”, and get you on the road to creating that new life on your own terms. Contact me for a complimentary strategy session at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 401-662-2707.
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